I haven't been able to write anything because truthfully, mentally I am not in the right space. I hate writing when my mind is misplaced, having bits and pieces of them here and there, taken over by feelings that are just as messy. Life has been great when we talk about all the opportunities I keep on getting from Allah, but it doesn't mean that on a daily level, it's all smooth between everyone around me. I am angry, disappointed, upset, and confused at certain people. My relationship with my parent-in-laws has been becoming weirder day by day. A best friend with no explanation suddenly just decided to cut ties with me. Some family members just love taking the idea of "family" for granted. I am angry at all these. But I'm not angry at life.
I keep reminding myself that the people in my life cannot determine how my life becomes. I cannot be angry at my life. I can be angry at the people who disappoint me, but I still want to enjoy my life, and I do. I still sing when I am pushing Daria in the stroller. I still hold hands and hop like a bunny when I'm walking with Shahmeer. I still jump on S when he's on the bed because goofy-love is the best kind of love. And at the same time, I can be realistic that my heart is not in a perfect shape and I just have to continue living with it. I can try fixing it. but if it doesn't work, I can leave it broken.
